Life of a Kat

The Kat Kim Show Episode 4

2010-12-01T11:36:00.000-06:00

Summer and Fall have been super busy, so I have been a little behind on the Kat Kim show. I have been planning this episode for far too long and over Thanksgiving I finally filmed it while I was visiting my mom. Hope you enjoy. Feel free to leave me comments or suggestions!

Sloth Art

2010-08-13T21:31:00.000-05:00

It's that time again! You guessed it, it's time for my (almost) annual sloth post (apparently I missed 2008). Anyway... Hurray!

Today we'll look at a more uncommon expression of sloth affection: sloth art. We'll start with a more realistic oil painting by Michelle McCune entitled Ascending. The painting is inspired by the artist's trip to Costa Rica and is beautifully detailed. I can almost see the algae growing on it's fur!

Surprisingly, realistic art of sloths is pretty limited. It gets abstract very quickly. Here is a cute painting entitled "99 cents never felt so good (the perfect unity)" by Alexis Trice, who does custom pet portraits. I was slightly confused by this one for many reasons (why the cheetos? why the title, exactly?), but mostly I wanted to know if someone actually has a sloth as a pet. Can I have one too?!

Of course, we have to include some sloth pop art. This sloth print is by My Favorite Mirror. It's a bit formulaic as there is a whole theme of animals in crowns, but it's still cute.

This next one is called "Enticing Invitation" by APAK Studio and is part of their Electric Garden gallery. I like APAK's art style in general (they sell their prints on Etsy) and I absolutely LOVE this painting (the print is hanging on my wall). The imagery so clearly says: "Come down and play, we have caaaaake!" while the sloth carefully considers.

As for sloth drawings, we have this sloth illustration by Rich Barrett that was originally for a children's book (but never got published). Not sure if sloths actually hang out on a branch like this, right-side-up rather than up-side-down, but it captures the true nature of the sloth; they are all about chilling out.

Lastly, we have a more cartoony version of a three-toed-sloth by Hayes Roberts. I really like his style of drawing and he has a lot of cute drawings up on his website.

So, there is a limited selection of sloth art out there, but I'm sure sloths in various forms of art will be the next big thing. Because, honestly, how can you not love a sloth? The smiling face, the slow gentle nature, and the fact that they only have claws for feet! So next time you're drawing, painting, sculpting, etc., consider adding a sloth to your artwork, you won't regret it! :D

New Camera, New Episode

2010-06-14T20:27:00.000-05:00

I got a new video camera! It's the Flip HD Mino, so that I could get a little higher quality video for the episodes of The Kat Kim Show. The latest episode is below. I spent a lot more time recording and editing it than the previous ones. I think it turned out alright.

I also made the first video of what I'm calling "Tangents," where I talk about something other than my research (a tangent, if you will). This one is on how to make one of my favorite Korean dishes, 떡볶이 (Dokbokki), a spicy rice cake dish.

I'm going on my summer trip to Korea soon, so I'm not sure how many episodes I'll be able to make while I'm there, but we'll see!

Spring 2010 Update

2010-05-19T19:22:00.000-05:00

I survived my second semester of graduate school! And, I still want to go back next year! I think this is a good sign that something is going right. It has been a busy semester, so here is an update of all the stuff that I have done.

PECI 2010

I was on the committee that put on the first Power and Energy Conference at Illinois (PECI) in February 2010! It was a relatively small conference, especially since it was the first time putting on the conference, but it turned out well and we are starting to plan for next year's event as well. This is also where I got my first publication on photovoltaic module configurations. Not a “big time” conference, but, hey, a publication is still a publication.

(photo by Stanton Cady)

Illinois Half-Marathon

Encouraged by some of my marathon-runner lab mates I decided to sign up for the Illinois half-marathon. I trained pretty consistently, and was able to run the whole 13.1 miles without walking at a 9:34 min/mile pace. My final time was 2:05:18, which was a lot better than I initially expected. I also made a shirt on Cafe Press. PV researchers represent! I even got a snazzy metal for finishing the half-marathon. I'm hoping to do it next year too!

UOCD at Illinois v1.0

This year was the first time that User Oriented Collaborative Design (UOCD), originally an Olin course, was offered at University of Illinois. Since I was the only person at Illinois that had ever taken UOCD, I offered to be the teaching assistant for this first iteration of the course, which was co-taught with Olin. Due to the courses newness and poor scheduled time, we only had one team of four students; but let me make sure to mention that these were four awesome students that rocked UOCD. It was a bit bumpy at first, but all four students stuck with it and really "got it" by the end. I learned a whole lot more about UOCD too, particularly that when I took the class our team made a lot more mistakes than I realized. So, it was a good learning experience for everyone. I even made the class a cake for their final presentation. The colored rectangles are supposed to be index cards since we used so many of them throughout the semester. Let's just say I'm still working on my cake decorating skills...

EAPSI in Korea

Last semester I applied to the East Asian Pacific Summer Institutes (EAPSI) program. This program is awesome (but you do have to be a US citizen in a US graduate program). You find someone to host you in one of the listed East Asian/Pacific countries, submit a research proposal, and if you get the award, they pay for your flight there, give you some money, and a living stipend. It is a sweet deal if you ask me. So, I'll be in Korea for two months over the summer doing research on power electronics and PVs at Seoul National University! I can't wait.

Until I leave for Korea in mid-June, I'll be hanging out at the lab, doing research, trying to brush up on my Korean, and probably playing a little L4D2. Looking forward to a great summer!

The Kat Kim Show, now with more Episodes! (approximately 2)

2010-04-06T19:35:00.000-05:00

After another exciting Saturday night spent in my apartment with a small stuffed alien as company doing multiple takes in front of my computer, I present Episode 2 of The Kat Kim Show:

This one took longer to make, but I did a lot more editing in iMovie and ended up doing significantly more takes than for episode 1. I have to say that it's really fun coming up with ideas for new episodes. Wish I had more time to work on this. Maybe once the semester is over. :) Thanks to all the people that have given me encouragement and suggestions!

The Product of a Boring Weekend

2010-04-03T13:49:00.002-05:00

As I usually do for week-long, mid-semester breaks from school, I decided to go... nowhere. I stayed and caught up on work and sleep. I even had some time to reflect on life, grad school, etc. I was kind of bored in my apartment on the weekend and was thinking how I would explain my research to someone who has some technical background, but was not familiar with my field. And, more importantly, how to explain it in an interesting way. So, I decided to make a video of me explaining some basics of photovoltaics that could eventually build up to my research. Thus, began "The Kat Kim Show."

So far, I've only made the first episode and I was not sure if this would be a one-time thing or not. But, people have said generally positive things about it, so I'm currently working on episode 2! And, adding in a little bit of editing, so I don't have to do the whole thing in one take. Anyway, hope you enjoy it and maybe, eventually, people will actually be interested in and understand my thesis research! :-D

Halloween Costume 2009

2009-12-27T14:56:00.000-06:00

Since I did not have enough time to blog during the semester, I wanted to make sure my Halloween costume did not go undocumented this year. Technically, I reused my costume from last year, but it only debuted to people in my small company, where only three of us dressed up and everyone else thought we were weird. Originally I was a etched silicon wafer, but not many people actually got it. This year I decided to go with solar panel and had my friend who was visiting for the weekend dress up as the sun. Most people guessed that I was a solar panel, but I still got guesses of sewer grate and man-hole cover.

I made the costume out of a collapsible car windshield shade that I used to use in my car. I cut out material so I could put it over my head and cut off excess material. Then, I drew on the individual die with permanent marker (trying to optimize spacing for maximum wafer utilization). It's a simple costume, but it's made of reused materials and collapses for easy storage! In time, I am pretty sure that my Halloween costumes will become so abstract, no one will get them at all. :P

Circuit Design Cookies

2009-12-25T15:53:00.001-06:00

Having trouble designing a circuit? Need some "brain food" while you think through different topologies? Fear Not! Circuit design cookies will stimulate both your brain and your taste buds (and are pretty cute in a "circuits are adorable" kind of way). Here's how!

1. I used Busia's Cutout Cookies recipe to make the cookie dough and rolled it out with a rolling pin.

2. I found a mini oval cookie cutter that was appropriately sized for circuit components and cut out the cookies.

3. Baked according to the recipe.

4. Frosted.

5. Decorated with resistor, capacitor, inductor, diode, MOSFET, BJT, voltage source, and current source symbols.

6. Then, I let my circuit design creativity know no bounds! Ok, so this is just a buck converter, but you have to start somewhere. Honestly, you'll probably eat all your components before you come up with anything too complex anyway. :P

These took a whole lot longer than I originally expected, but they were totally worth it as a once-in-a while kind of thing. I brought them into the weekly power seminar for my research group and they were a big hit! So, whether you're trying to impress your EE friends or want to do something different for Xmas cookies, making circuit design cookies is always a delicious and nerdy time.

Grad School, The Journey Begins

2009-09-18T01:51:00.000-05:00

I have survived the first month of graduate school, and so far, I love it! I may still be in the "honeymoon phase," but I feel like I am finally in an environment where I belong. I am learning new material in classes; I am starting to get into a field of research; I set my own schedule; I am surrounded by intelligent people that are curious about the way things work; I am working with great people in my field. There is a lot of hard work ahead of me and this semester is definitely going to be tough, but for once I feel like I am on the right track.

Going from two years of working back to school is definitely challenging. So far, two things have stuck out as the most difficult: actually budgeting my money and remembering how to do math.

A graduate student stipend is definitely a livable salary, especially in a college town, but going from a comfortable entry-level engineer salary to a just-enough-to-live-on salary was a jolt to my spending behavior. I can no longer buy electronics/clothes/domain names/music on a whim or buy the nicer thing that costs twice as much just because I want it. I actually have to plan it out, and save up for the nice things I want. (Right now I am saving up for a nice rice cooker!) I thought it would be a trivial change, but I see why it is hard to go back to school full-time from a nice, comfortable, good-paying job.

After two plus years of only using basic algebra and arithmetic, I am really rusty on all the math I learned in undergrad. I feel like the Tinman. I need some math oil! I had forgotten linear algebra, matrix operations, Fourier series, Taylor series, Laplace transforms, trig identities, integration of periodic functions, integration by parts, and countless other mathematical topics/techniques that my classes expect me to remember. But, I am surprised how quickly it comes back. A little bit of looking up and reviewing goes a long way. I know it will take time to get completely up to speed, but I am confident I will get there (eventually).

So far, grad school is going well. I like my classes, I like the people in my group, and I am actually starting to do real research! I have noticed that two things have not changed since undergrad: I still get really excited about classes/research and I definitely do not sleep enough. Speaking of which, I should probably go to bed... ~_~

More Sloth Love

2009-06-11T16:59:00.043-05:00

It's that time again! That's right, when I revisit my obsession with sloths and blog about it. Sloths really are amazing creatures that are extremely adorable and intelligent. How can anyone look at this picture (taken by Milo Burcham) and not instantly fall in love with the animal?

What is this sloth is pondering? Probably, how adorable he is. :)

The high-hanging and slow-paced lifestyles of sloths are pretty fascinating, and sloths are fairly friendly with humans. Here is an interesting BBC Earth clip on sloths.

Now, if you've developed a sloth obsession (which is completely understandable), the next logical step is to show off your affection for sloths through... consumerism! The market for sloth products is not huge, but here are some cute sloth shirts, accessories, and plushies that I recommend.

These cartoon-ish sloth shirts from Squidfire are simple and cute and come in both men and women's sizes. Squidfire also has some other cute shirts, but the sloths are definitely my favorite.

If you're into handmade crafts and accessories, these fabric sloth cuffs are adorable and a really unique idea. These ones are made by mairuru and sold through her Etsy shop. Cute idea and looks like they are well made.

No sloth lover is complete without at least one plush sloth. Luckily, there is a pretty good variety of very cute sloth plushies out there for all your sloth cuddling needs. As you can see, plush sloths are great at showing their affection for sloth-enthusiasts and also make great hats!

And the Winner is...

2009-04-26T08:25:00.014-05:00

Since last Fall I have been stressing about graduate applications, frantically making sure that all the parts of the application are in, worrying myself to death waiting to hear back from schools, rejoicing at acceptances, claiming "I didn't want to go there anyway" at rejections, and finally making the big decision on the next 4-5 years of my life. Being the nerd I am, I made a table of my results for your viewing pleasure.

School	Result	Funding
MIT	Rejected :(
UC Berkeley	Rejected :(
NSF GRFP	Rejected :(
UC Irvine	Accepted	None
Georgia Tech	Accepted	None
Virginia Tech	Accepted	None
CU Boulder	Accepted	Yes!
UI Urbana-Champaign	Accepted	Yes!

University of Colorado Boulder and University of Illinois Urbana-Champaign (UIUC) were the only two schools to offer me funding and invite me to visit their campus, so the decision came down between those two. Both are great schools with excellent programs in ECE and power electronics. I liked both their campuses, professors, and graduate students. This really only made the decision MUCH more difficult. After several frantic tweets, many phone conversations, and various emails, I decided to take the offer at UIUC. Starting this Fall, I'll be a research assistant doing research somewhere in the realm of power electronics and working towards my MS and then PhD! I am very excited about next year and I hope it will be an excellent experience.

Part of me is amazed that I am doing what I set out to do just about a year ago. I somehow managed to come out of a bad job situation, get myself back on my feet and get back on the road to graduate school (with lots of help from my friends and family, of course). I know I still have a long way to go, but at least I am headed in the right direction. I have already started to settle into my life in Boston surrounded by great friends and living a happy (mostly healthy) lifestyle. I am sad to be leaving a place after just a year, yet again, but life is an adventure, right? And I'm really hoping I will stick to the whole graduate school thing for more than a year. Let's hope for the best. ;)

Grad School Apps: Check!

2009-01-18T21:11:00.007-06:00

I haven't posted in a while, which generally means life is good. My biggest accomplishment over the last couple months is that I've completed ALL my grad school applications! I applied to the NSF Graduate Research Fellowship and 7 graduate schools in Electrical Engineering going for MS/PhD, hoping to focus on power electronics/power systems. Here is my list of schools in east-to-west order:

MIT

Virginia Tech

Georgia Tech

UI Urbana-Champaign

CU Colorado

UC Irvine

UC Berkeley

I am excited/scared-to-death to hear back from schools, but I probably will not hear anything for at least another month. In the meantime, I plan to work on a personal website, work on a new side website for Auntie's Aprons, read more sci-fi books, and play more Xbox games (currently playing Mirror's Edge and Braid). In short, nerding it up! Woo!

Life in Boston Update

2008-09-27T11:46:00.011-05:00

It's been a while since I posted, which means that things, in general, are going very well. I've moved up to Boston, and am working for Bluefin Robotics as an Electrical Engineer. I'm learning a very different set of skills in this position that focus more on system level engineering. I definitely like working in a smaller company and the fact that I am working on underwater robots is pretty exciting. I am still very set on studying power electronics and/or alternate energy sources, and am currently working on applications for graduate school.

Here are some highlights from the last couple months:

When to a few lectures and final presentations for the International Development Design Summit (IDDS) at MIT (put on by MIT and Olin College). There were some really interesting design problems and creative solutions that really got me excited about research, especially in alternate energy sources.
I'm taking unofficial Korean classes at MIT taught by Korean students at MIT. It's great to have a structured class again to learn about grammar and sentence structure. We also get to watch movies/dramas in class. ^^
Ran the 5k for Race for the Cure in Boston as part of the Olin College team. My time was 27:47, which was not amazing, but not bad for not being completely in shape. Really, it was just great to see Olin people and other Alumni. :)
My brother got married at the beginning of September and I was a bridesmaid! They currently live in San Jose, but had the wedding in Marquette, MI (where they met and large portions of both families live). It was a really fun wedding and it was great to see my extended family on both sides. My brother and his wife are a great pair (they are both gamers) and I know things will work out well for them. Here are some pictures from the wedding.

The Wedding Ceremony.

The Bridesmaids.
I'm on the left, then the bride's sister and bride's cousin/best friend.

Cutting the (Totally Awesome) Wedding Cake.

This past Friday, I had a minorly unproductive day (I work long hours anyway). One of my coworkers got these Inanimate Character Stickers, and we decided to put them on things at our desks. Here are the fruits of our labors.

To sum it all up, life is pretty damn good! But how can it not be with cute anthropomorphized office objects looking at you all day? :D

Boston or Bust

2008-07-06T13:39:00.003-05:00

Mission: "Get the Hell Out of Texas"
Objective: Move from Dallas, TX to Boston, MA
Distance: 1,834 miles
Driving Time: 29 hours
Travel Dates: Monday to Wednesday
Trip Route:

Monday
My aging Nissan Altima '94 had died just 2 weeks before my planned date of departure and since I wouldn't need a car in Boston I decided to donate it to NPR and get a rental car for the trip. I picked up my Chevy Impala from National Car Rental (cheapest rates for a one way, but got me in the end with extra fees, Grr). Packed up all the crap, which fit very comfortably into the rather large car and set out just after noon accompanied by my beta fish, my worm bin, and an audio book of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. On the first day I made it out of Texas, through Arkansas, and into Tennessee. Everything was flat and pretty boring, actually.

Tuesday
Tennessee is too long. Even the name is too long. Long and boring. I was very happy when I made it into Virginia, which was very beautiful. I decided to embark on a side mission and visit Virginia Tech (VT). I am planning on applying to VT for MS/PhD in EE this fall and I'm specfically looking at the Center for Power Electronics Systems (CPES). I snooped around the building where the lab was located and happened upon a graduate student who worked in the lab and gave me a very quick tour. I was pretty impressed by the size and resources. I also thought the VT campus was beautiful. Definitely a place I would like to go for grad school. After the quick visit I continued for a few more hours and stayed the night in Staunton, Virginia, where I slept very well; driving all day is oddly exhausting.

Wednesday
My last day on the road turned out to be the most frustrating. It was supposed to be 10 hours of driving, which is really no problem for me. The way I do road trips is with as few stops as possible. I usually try to go at least 3 hours before stopping sometimes 5 or 6 hours. I just want to get there and be done with it.

As I was nearing New York city I decided to take an alternate northern route to avoid lunch-time traffic. Unfortunately, I ended up in complete dead lock on the highway in the middle of nowhere. (Maybe due to an accident in a construction zone. I never found out.) Eventually, I had to take another side road through a bunch of tiny towns before I could get back onto the main highway. This little detour added an extra hour to my trip, which made me very annoyed, but I powered through it. :P

After 12 hours of being on the road and two very short stops, I made it into the Boston area. The insane driving tactics of Massachusetts residents becomes very clear once you reach the Mass Pike, but luckily I remembered how to drive like a Mass hole. At 8 pm on Wednesday, exactly 12 hours after I started driving that morning, I reached Jon and Drew's apartment where I was greeted by not only the wonderful Drew and Jon, but a delicious dinner as well. Feels good to be back!

Thoughts on 26 Truths

2008-06-26T08:00:00.004-05:00

I just finished reading It's A Wonderful Lie: 26 Truths About Life in Your Twenties that was recommended to me by Janet. It's a collection of essays about the experiences and lessons learned from various female writers about their twenties. Definitely aimed at women, but it gives some interesting perspectives on the weird transition that happens in your twenties from school to starting/finding your career path.

Reading these essays made me feel very glad that I don't have a spending problem, I'm not planning to be married by age 25, I'm not addicted to anything (besides a good internet connection), and engineering vs. writing provides a much more stable income. It also made me realize that it's fine, even normal, that my first job was kind of crappy, my love life is often confusing and messed up, and there is no replacement for good friends.

One thing that really surprised me reading this book is the number of women that had a set time frame that they had to be married and start having kids (often based on their parents example). I am a little odd in this respect, but since I was pretty young I have decided that marriage and kids are not a goal of mine (and I was morally opposed to the idea of me getting married through most of high school, but that's another story). For the most part, I enjoy dating (I actually think I need to date a little more), but I don't see the goal as finding a mate. It is more to get to know someone on an intimate level.

I constantly hear people say "your maternal clock will kick in and all you'll want is kids" or "smart people need to have more children" (to avoid the Idiocracy scenario). When/if my maternal clock kicks in, fine, but it sure hasn't yet. Yes, intelligent people need to pass their genes along, but I'm not going to be pressured into having kids for that reason alone. I'll donate eggs if it comes to that!

It just seems like there is a huge trade-off between career goals and children that is imposed more on women than men. It is changing slowly and depends on the career, but when a working couple has kids it is more likely that the woman will stop work and take care of the kids. My mother did this and she is glad she did, but I refuse to do the same thing. I am just too career focused.

Maybe I just need to find a good house husband or someone who doesn't want to have kids. But really, why am I even worrying about this right now? I really just need to focus on working hard for this year and getting into a good PhD program for next year. Like I said, too career focused (I think it's genetic). :)

A Year in the Life, is Enough for Me

2008-06-13T13:31:00.005-05:00

For the last 2 months, I have been on the job hunt and I think I am finally close to catching a good one. I'll be up in Boston Monday through Wednesday interviewing. But, if nothing works out, my plan is to move to the Bay Area and start looking there. Either way, my days in Dallas are numbered and though I will miss a lot of the people I have met here, I am very optimistic about the move. I was never meant to live in Dallas.

I have learned a lot about myself and the way I want to live. It is still very true that I am an idealist and overachiever. My lifestyle here never allowed me to achieve all that I wanted. Maybe it was the fact that I had to drive everywhere, often very long distances and it always felt like a waste of time, energy, and money. Maybe it was that when I was in a time of need, I felt like there was no one there to help me. Or, maybe it was that I had no direction, no ultimate goal besides: work, so you can make money, and... then what? Spend it on frivolous things because the message reinforced by living in Dallas is "you need more."

In a way, I failed. I failed to take on a new city and lifestyle, and make it my own. I didn't conquer and stand strong. I became angry, sad, scared, and ultimately broke down. Every time an interviewer asks me why I left my job at TI, I want to tell them "Because that job and this city broke me, and I wanted to get out before it destroyed me," but I of course give them the well-practiced politically correct answer. This really has been a difficult year for me, and I wonder if staying in Boston or moving to the Bay Area would have changed that for me. Though, it really doesn't seem to be worth much thought at this point.

All that matters now, is that I have a clearer picture of what I want and don't want in my life, and I plan to move forward with that. I want to live somewhere, where I have close friends who know me, where I don't have to drive absolutely everywhere, and where I can be myself without being labeled a crazy environmentalist, feminist, gay rights, mostly-vegetarian weirdo. Because I am normal, but I just don't have the energy to try to prove that to everyone anymore.

My Parachute is Still Confused

2008-05-02T11:39:00.008-05:00

I am reading the book What Color is your Parachute? by Richard Bolles to help me figure out what I want to do with my career. It has a bunch of activities that are supposed to help you "get to know yourself." At times it feels kind of stupid, but they do reveal things about you that you may not have realized (it reminds me of the first couple design phases in User-Oriented Collaborative Design).

Ideal Jobs
I did the "Pick Your Ideal Job from Some List" exercise and wrote down any profession that I have ever honestly considered or think I might actually enjoy. Here is what I came up with:

Electrical Engineer (no surprise here)
Energy Efficiency Engineer (not really sure what this job would be, but I like the title)
Professor
Designer (of some sort...)
Musician (more Cowbell! ...err, viola)
Dancer
Professional Blogger (working on it!)
Forrester
Veterinarian
Entomologist (I love bugs!)
Plumber (because I like fluids??)

This exercise honestly made me think about being a plumber for a full 30 seconds and that is actually pretty influential.

Who Am I?
I also did the "Who Am I?" exercise, which I found a little more insightful. You are supposed to write down 10 answers to the questions "Who Am I?" each on separate pieces of paper then add some reasoning to each answer and prioritize them. This is what I ended up with:

I am a...

Learner - I love gaining knowledge; whether from a teacher, a mentor, or my own experiences. I always want to be continually learning.
Creator - I like creating and building new things and I find the design process really enjoyable.
Big Picture Thinker - I always need to understand the significance and bigger picture of what I am doing.
Achiever - I like to know that I am working towards a goal and strive to do it really well.
Idealist - Although it often leads to disappointment, having an ideal vision keeps me motivated and going in the right direction.
Questioner - I always want to know why things happen/are one way or the other. I require good explanations with clear reasoning; otherwise, I am very dissatisfied.
Collaborator - I like brainstorming in groups and bouncing ideas off of other people; it yields better ideas/results and is usually a lot more fun.
Independent - I like being self-sufficient and doing some things on my own (while not contradicting the previous point).
Art Appreciator - I love things with artistic expression that have a lot of thought put into them; mostly because I'm horrible at art.
Supporter - I care about my friends and go out of my way to help them with whatever they need.

This tells me that I need to work in a creative team environment where I can come up with crazy ideas and actually pursue some of them. But, if I can't find the perfect job, I can always be a plumber...

My Second/Last TI Publication

2008-05-01T12:14:00.004-05:00

On the very last day of my employment at Texas Instruments, my second publication was released to the web. It is a TMS320F28xx and TMS320F28xxx DSP Power Reference Design that uses switching power supplies to create two voltage rails for a few classes of DSPs. There was a little procrastination and a lot of dedication involved in this reference design. Procrastination in that I kept putting off its revision. Dedication in that once I had decided to leave the company, I realized I had to get the final version out the door before my last day. And I did; just in time.

An Amateur's Art Review

2008-04-23T11:51:00.006-05:00

I recently attended the Main St. Arts Festival in Fort Worth, TX, which seems to be a pretty well-know art show as there were artists and people from all over the country. I make no false claims that I know anything about art, but I do enjoy looking at it. I tend towards non-traditional art, but I like any piece that gives you a new perspective and provokes thought. Here are some artists and pieces that I particularly liked.

Behind Closed Shutters by J. Stirling Barrett

J. Stirling Barrett is a 19-year-old artist in Dallas who is originally from New Orleans. I really like the photography collages. They give a sense of ambiguity in time and make me think about how things change but certain ideas remain the same.

A "Tangiable Art" piece by Bryan Spiegel

Bryan Spiegel is another emerging artist from the Dallas-Fort Worth area. You cannot tell from the picture, but his pieces are all modular. He constructs them with movable pieces that can be moved or rotated to arrange the parts in a large number of combinations (permutations, actually :P). The larger pieces were pretty elaborate and very detailed. The engineer in me really enjoyed these pieces.

A "Gestural" piece by Joe Nielander

Nielander Glass pieces are works created by Joe Neilander from North Carolina. His pieces are beautiful and very vibrant in color. They are pretty large pieces and mostly non-functional except for some exquisite water vases. Absolutely beautiful and very pricey (but, such is art).

Main Street by Daniel Ng

Daniel Ng is a painter from Portland, Oregon, and I absolutely love his paintings. There is something about the bright colors, slightly animated shapes, and fish-eye perspective he uses that is very appealing to the eye. Looks like he is coming to the Dallas area again for the Cottonwood Art Festival. I'll be there! :D

Plantable Cards

2008-03-06T15:57:00.001-06:00

Here is a cute, sustainable idea for cards and invitations from a company called Botanical PaperWorks. They make a variety of different paper products with seeds embedded in the paper that blooms into flowers when planted. If you are planning a sustainable wedding, this is the place to go for invitations, place settings, and even guest books (though you probably would keep that, and not plant it...). They are a little lacking in their variety of greeting cards, but overall a very cute line of products. They also have a fairly active blog called Stationary Scoop.

Shout out to Meena for showing me this! Make B-Linder proud!

Representin' in Texas

2008-03-04T18:37:00.005-06:00

I'm proud to say that I voted Democratic in Texas today! At the voting locations, they had put up 5 voting stations for Republicans and only 2 for Democrats. It's Texas right? You'd think the few democrats would be publicly shamed and run over by fat republicans in pick-up trucks and SUVs. Wrong! The democrats made their presence known with a line out the door while the many republican voting machines went mostly un-utilized. Granted, the Republicans do not have as exciting of a race as the Democrats, but this really gives me hope that things really are going to change in this country. I can only hope. :)

Kindgom of Loathing - An Addiction Reborn

2008-02-08T21:07:00.001-06:00

I recently started re-playing a game called Kingdom of Loathing that I played a bit in college. It's a text, turn-based, role-playing game that is way too fun to play. It's kind of ridiculous and appeals to people of a more nerdy nature, which is why I love it. It's surprisingly well thought-out and updated fairly often for a free online game. Luckily, you are limited to 40 turns per day, so people that tend to get addicted to turn-based games (like me) can only play for so long. Of course, I spend the rest of the day thinking about how I'm going to maximize my limited number of turns, but what can you do? So, if you need something to do to pass the time, make a character! It's fun. I'm a Disco Bandit. :)

Nerd Aprons, Anyone?

2007-12-08T21:15:00.004-06:00

Influenced by my nerdiness, Auntie's Aprons (my mother's apron business) has come out with a new product that may appeal to a more non-traditional crowd; particularly, nerds that like to cook. That's right, a circuit board apron and matching hot pads!

I particularly love the hot pads. They make me want to get out my soldering iron and solder on some surface-mount components!

Now, this is the first attempt at nerd aprons, so let me know what you think. Are their other nerdy fabrics that you would like more than a circuit board? Do you like the idea, but something is just not doing it for you? Then, what would? Any ideas or suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

My Very First Application Note

2007-12-04T22:16:00.001-06:00

I have been working at TI for a little over 4 months and my first application note has recently been posted on the web! I created an application note and two supporting design tools in both Excel and Mathcad. The application note applies to the TPS6205x chips that are 95% efficient buck (step-down) converters and have Low Battery Input (LBI) detection, which is what the application not is all about.

If you are too lazy to actually read the application note or even the abstract, here is a quick run down: Batteries decrease in voltage as they loose capacity (but not linearly) and they have an internal impedance that lowers the overall voltage when current is drawn. The TPS6205x chips have a Low Battery Input (LBI) pin that you can set to shut off the system when the voltage is too low. The problem is that the internal impedance of the battery will cause the battery voltage to increase when there is no current being drawn. The chip will think it is back up and running because the voltage has gone above its threshold and turn everything back on. The system will continue to turn off and on, which is bad because your battery is still depleted and can't run your system. You only want the system to come back on when you have a fully charged battery powering the system. So, you add hysteresis to the LBI by utilizing the fact that the Low Battery Output (LBO) pin goes from high to low. If you want more details, really, just read the application note.

There is one aspect of my job as an applications engineer; writing technical documents that people might actually read. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. :)

Leaving my Heart in San Francisco

2007-11-26T12:00:00.002-06:00

I love the Bay Area, and I especially love San Francisco. There is something about going back to the place you grew up that just makes you feel like you belong. I have a new found love of living right in the city instead of the suburb, which makes living in Plano unbearable. I also love the "I don't really give a shit" fashion that people in San Francisco do so well. I think I have been influenced a little too much by the prim and proper Texan attitude. That will have to change.

I have started to realized how much moving to a new city and state without knowing anyone is incredibly difficult emotionally, and breaking up with your significant other at the same time really doesn't help. In the last week, I have gotten to see many of my friends from college and high school and I miss them so much. The biggest thing I miss is the automatic comfort I feel around them. I do not have to hold back my true thoughts and I can talk about anything from new technology, my job, my future career plans, the iPhone (which i just got!), my love-life, and all the things I actually care about. When it comes down to it, living in Texas and not really knowing anyone well just makes me feel like I have to fake who I am everyday, but that is also part of meeting new people. A part of me wants to just leave everything, move to San Francisco, and find a new job. The thing really keeping me down in Texas is my job and that I only have to stay in Dallas for two more years. I really do love the program I am in and TI is an excellent company. I am learning exactly what I need to really understand power electronics and how industry actually uses power in their systems. This is exactly what I want to be doing right now and I do not want to give that up either.

In short, I feel conflicted and a little lost. This seems to be a common feeling among many of my friends that have recently graduated. Maybe overachievers like me have problems because after undergraduate, achieving is no longer laid-out and clear. You have to define your own success and, honestly, I have no idea what I want out of life. The best advice I have been given about my constant planning for the future is to be as happy as you can right now because life is a journey not a destination. I do want to come back to the Bay Area as soon as possible, but for now I will just have to make the best of my life in Dallas. I'll be leaving my heart in San Francisco, so just keep it in the fridge until I get back. K, thanks.

I Got Worm... Castings!

2007-10-08T21:17:00.002-05:00

If you remember from my previous post on indoor worm composting, I have a bunch of worms living in a bin in my closet that eat my left-over food and newspaper. I have had them for about two months now, which means that it is time to harvest my worm castings! This process separates the nutrient-filled dirt from the worms and the still decomposing stuff.

All you need is a sheet of plastic (I just cut a large plastic bag in half and it worked great), a container for the good soil (flower pot), durable gloves (these are imperative), and your worm bin filled with happy worms. I did the sorting on the floor, but it might be better to do it on a table because the process takes a little while and my back definitely started to hurt about half-way through.

Separate the obviously non-decomposed material into one pile. It will go back in the bin with the new bedding. It does look a little ugly and gross, but no one said decomposition was pretty...

Dump the rest of the bin out on your plastic sheet. Gross Warning #1: you may encounter some semi-decomposed food that has turned into a kind of paste that sticks to your gloves and gives off a nasty funk. Just dump it all in the pile and try not to gag (I almost didn't make it). As you dump out the bin, you will see a bunch of your worms and they will not be happy to be in the light. Just dump them on the pile and they will bury themselves into the dirt.

Put a layer of new bedding in the bin and add in the pile of non-decomposed material from the previous bin.

The worms should have had enough time to bury themselves in the pile. Now, scrape off a layer from the top of the pile and separate the good dirt (into the flower pot) and any bits of newspaper or other non-decomposed stuff (back in the bin). Repeat this process until your pile is very small. I think if I would have left the bin for another month I would have had cleaner dirt and things would have gone faster. But even so, it took me a little over an hour from start to finish, which makes for a wonderful weekend activity. :P

Gross Warning #2: Once your pile is very small, your worm to dirt ratio is very high and pretty much, you have a big pile of squirming worms covered by a thin layer of dirt. If the sight of a bunch of tangled-up worms totally grosses you out, you may want to get someone to help you with this. Personally, I thought it was kind of cool to see how many worms I actually had in my bin, but then again, I am pretty weird...

After all the sorting and hard work, you get a beautiful pot of soil! How rewarding. Now, I just need something to plant in it. Let me know if you have any ideas for fun and exciting plants!

Taking care of a worm bin is actually pretty easy and the benefits are great. Granted, there are some gross moments, but I think a bin full of worms makes a great addition to the family. And, if you ever need a good excuse to get away from someone just use "Sorry, I have to go home and feed my worms." It works every time. :)

A Quick Update

2007-09-25T23:03:00.002-05:00

Things have been pretty busy for me, which seems to be a good thing. Work is going well, no actually, great! I am in the process of revising my first application note that may actually help someone understand and use one of TI's parts! Someone might actually use something that I created, instead of a professor skimming over it once and no one ever reading it again. My work has purpose and, hopefully, the effort I put into it will be appreciated. I know it is small, but it feels good to have a real purpose.

The flip side of that is I am definitely putting in more than a 40 hour work week. This is not a "put in your 8 hours then go home and forget about work until the next day" kind of job. I'm working some good hours and I still feel like I should be doing more. I have so much to learn and only the rest of my career to learn it! The good thing is: It can NEVER be worse than it was at Olin.

Besides work I am doing Capoeira, studying Korean with a study group, and playing with a community orchestra. I think I found the only almost completely gay and lesbian orchestra in all of Texas, which makes me so happy. There is some hope for finding liberal people in Texas. I was starting to lose hope. :P I am keeping myself busy, but I miss all my friends a lot. Don't be afraid to leave me a message or call me (not that we really call each other in this day and age, but seriously, I would LOVE to hear from you). <3

Power EE Nerds, Eat Your Heart Out

2007-09-05T21:37:00.001-05:00

I am in my second month at TI and so far it is going really well. I feel really comfortable in my new group which does Low Power DC-DC application stuff. The group designs engineering evaluation modules (EVMs), answers in-depth questions, and writes application notes for a wide variety of power chips. I am starting off by writing an application note for a specific line of buck converter chips (converts DC input voltage to a lower DC output voltage). Ok, so it is not extremely exciting, but I like having a real project. :)

One of our crazy brilliant senior power engineers, who taught me a lot in my first month, has decided to move on to a management position at a different company. Our group is really sad, but business is all about turnover and change. So, for his going away party today, I decided to make something really nerdy. This Evil Mad Scientist Laboratories post about circuitry snacks inspired me to make a slightly less complicated and probably tastier snack. It turned out looking like this:

As you can see from my beautifully crafted circuit diagram, this is a basic Buck Converter (on a fudge brownie)! Get it?? Good Luck, Good Buck!! Sometimes I am just too much for myself. Heh. So really, things haven't changed all that much. I'm still a huge nerd. =D

Explodingdog Worth Much Much Greater Than A Thounsand Words

2007-08-27T21:54:00.005-05:00

My wonderful friend Meena, has made me realize something I have been missing in my life. It is called Explodingdog. It is like a comic that has no real goal and does not quite make sense. And, it makes me feel a little better about my sanity. The thing I like best about the pictures is that they often convey an emotion that cannot really be explained. Take this "Love is complicated..." picture for example. This is how I have been feeling about relationships recently. It really just sums it up right there, no additional words needed. They also accurately portrays some of my aspirations. If I ever became a teacher (not actually in my future plan, but if I did), I would want to teach like this: "I teach math." I must admit that not all of the pictures make sense in any way, shape, or form (like "That dog smells"), but at least they are funny in that insane sort of way.

In other news, my brother recently got engaged and I was asked to be in the wedding, which will be in about a year. I'm very happy for them and excited to be in the wedding! I also started my first rotation at work, which I will blog about soon. Overall, I feel like this: "Time will never stop."

Officially Employed

2007-07-30T20:48:00.001-05:00

I made it though my first week of work at TI and am starting on my second. The first week consisted of various forms of training and getting myself settled into my new work environment. So far, things are great. I like my coworkers (who are actually around my age), I like my manager, I love the perks of being a TI employee, and I think I will really love my job once it gets going.

I am doing a two-year rotational program in power electronics with the hope to become an applications engineer. To be honest, I do not know that much about power electronics yet and I do not even really know what an applications engineer does. But, I figure, it is just like how I went to Olin not knowing what an engineer does and now I know exactly what an engineer does: they drive trains! But really, I am looking forward to taking on a challenge and learning as I go because that is what we learn best at Olin.

I love my Olin education and we really do learn a lot, but one thing I noticed when talking to a senior power engineer is that I do not know most of the EE vocabulary. Once he explained the concept I realized that I had learned it, but never associated a name to it. Maybe it is because we have concepts thrown at us rather than laid out and presented on a nice platter, but it makes you seem like you know less than you really do. It comes back around when learning new concepts because I have discovered that I learn best when thrown into the deep end. Thanks ModCon. :)

Auntie's Aprons - Launch!

2007-07-25T21:59:00.001-05:00

I would like to announce the launch of a website that is very special to me; mainly because I made it! My mother has decided to create a business called Auntie's Aprons that sells handcrafted aprons and hotpads online. She recruited me as unpaid web developer (I am paid in love, how sweet). I figured it would be a good way for me to get some web design experience and help out my mother with her first business.

The URL is http://www.auntiesaprons.com/. This is my first real website, so I would really appreciate any feedback on the site and, of course, feel free to purchase an apron (or two)! :) Also, please leave me a comment if there are any major errors. I tried it in Firefox and IE7, but let me know if something breaks in other browsers that you might use. Thanks!

Sloth Love

2007-07-21T13:07:00.002-05:00

I LOVE sloths! No, really. I have decide that do not want children; just a sloth (or two). They are gentle animals with the cutest face. Just look at how cute they are! Awww.

I must admit that is a new found love for this mammal, in addition to my love of bats, pandas, salamanders, jellyfish, and a variety of other animals. On Friday, I went to visit the Dallas World Aquarium, which is actually a zoo and aquarium. At first, I was very skeptical. The area surrounding the aquarium was kind of run-down and the entrance looked like a Disneyland knock-off jungle adventure ride. Once inside I noticed a fishy/manure/animal odor that was slightly unpleasant, but as I walked into the rain forest exhibition I realized why. There were birds flying all around, monkeys swinging around the trees, and a giant pool below filled with various aquatic life (including manatees!). Everything was open; no cages in this exhibition (though, there were in most other sections of the aquarium/zoo). Birds would come right up to people, so you could really see all the details of the birds without any obstruction. With this open environment also comes a lot of bird poop, absolutely everywhere, which I'm sure helped in producing that distinct zoo fragrance.

There were a lot of animals at the Dallas World Aquarium that I had never seen before like an electric eel, emperor tamarin (monkey with a fu manchu), ocelot, panther chameleon, and of course, three-toed sloth. They have the sloth just hanging out in an area near a cafe. You can get close enough to touch it, but of course there are signs all over reading "Do Not Touch Sloth." When I walked up to the hanging sloth, it hid its head in its arm and would not show its face the whole time I was there. I thought it was adorable even without getting a good look at its face. I have since become obsessed with sloths and am considering going back just see the sloth again.

Through my intensive sloth information searching I have found a lot of cute youTube sloth videos and a site for the Aviarios del Caribe Sloth Refuge in Costa Rica, the only sloth refuge and rehabilitation center in the world. I think I am going to Adopt a Sloth. How can you not help a baby sloth in need? Just look at how cute they are! Don't wait, Adopt a sloth today!

I Got Worms!

2007-07-17T18:16:00.001-05:00

Do you hate unnecessary garbage and waste? Are you not completely freaked out by little, harmless worms? Do you want to make Ben Linder (Olin's Sustainability professor) proud? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you should try worm composting! I am currently living in an apartment in Plano, Texas. It is cute, but it does not even have recycling. :( I eat a lot of fruits and vegetables, and the organic waste is perfect for composting. It also keeps your garbage from smelling, which is a big plus in a small apartment. It is really easy to maintain, and the castings from the worms make a great fertilizer.

So, do I have you convinced? Are you ready to make a worm bin?! Really, it's not that bad! There are some really helpful sites on making a worm bin. Some are more kid-oriented, but are still very informative. You can buy worm bins online at various sites, but they are really expensive and do not work any better than the homemade ones. Making your own bin is pretty easy. All you need is an 8-10 gallon plastic bin, paper for bedding, and a drill.

I drilled 1/8" holes on the bottom for drainage. Then I drilled holes in the lid and on the sides of the bin near the top for ventilation.

Next, I took the paper, which I got from all my Ikea furniture (newspaper works well too) and ripped it into strips. I underestimated the amount of paper I would need. I ended up using at least 15 large sheets of paper, and that was barely enough. You wet the paper, wring it out, and then put it in the bin to give the worms a nice, moist environment.

Next part is the worms. I found a slightly outdated list of worm suppliers all over the world. It is better to buy locally as your worms are less likely to die in transit and you are supporting your local worm farmers! I ordered mine from a local worm supplier called Down to Earth Farms. I ordered 1 lb of red worms (I swear it is not as gross as it sounds) for $31. They just ship it to you in the mail. It is super easy. Of course, it was kind of awkward picking up my package with "LIVE WORMS" written all over it from the front desk, but I'm sure they get weird stuff all the time.

Once you have your worms, you put them in the bin with the damp paper and put it in a quiet, dark place. I put mine in my closet, which is dark and out of the way. Remember to put something under the bin to collect any drainage.

And there you have it! An indoor composting system. Just put food scraps in and let the worms have a nice meal. I have only had my bin up and running for a few days, but so far so good. Some people think it is weird or gross, but it is just the natural decomposition process happening in an enclosed environment in your apartment. And they are just little worms, it is not like they are going to eat you or something. So, give it a try. And if the worms gross you out, just focus on how happy it will make Ben Linder. :D

The Internet Gods Finally Smile Upon Me (After Laughing for 2 Weeks)

2007-07-12T17:14:00.001-05:00

I finally have internet! No thanks to AT&T that is. I ordered the service two full weeks ago. How can they honestly expect someone to live half a month without internet?! I really wish I could use a different provider, but my apartment is contracted to AT&T. This also means that I am limited to DSL, so no FiOS or even cable for me. Because I am using DSL I am forced to pay for a land line that I will never use. Then, AT&T proceeds to give me updates about my DSL instillation through my unconnected phone line. They just do not seem to understand the someone would just want internet and no phone. I mean, who has a land line these days anyway! I also had problems with the equipment when it finally arrived and had to call two different places and got put on hold listening to "Your call is very important to us, and we are doing everything we can to answer your call as soon as possible." Well, if they really cared about my time they would not have made me wait two whole weeks when it is just a flick of a switch for them. Eventually, they helped me change the modem settings that the faulty installation disk was supposed to do automatically. The moral is: do not use AT&T if you can help it because, well, they suck.

In other news, things are coming along well in my cute little apartment. I have found a nearby Asian market that meets all my basic Korean cooking needs, a great coffee shop a block away, a bar & restaurant stumbling distance from my apartment, and a close blockbuster for all those lonely nights. I also started learning Capoeira at a studio in Dallas. It is pretty fun so far and my gymnastics background helps a lot. The people that I have met there are really friendly and seem like good people. I still have a little over a week before I start work, so hopefully I will be able to keep myself busy (I'm sure the internet will help with that).

A Short Quest for the Perfect Apartment

2007-06-23T12:48:00.000-05:00

I am a little behind on the blogging, since I have been so busy with my new apartment, but here is an update:

I made it! After a 15-hour drive with only four stops and no proper meals I made it from Chicago to Dallas. Luckily I had my trusty audiobook of Shopaholic Ties the Knot by Sophie Kinsella to keep me going, which was very entertaining. I got in late last Thursday night to my friend's house and the next day I set out to go apartment shopping.

I already had one in mind because I had made a Google map of all the apartments around the Texas Instruments (TI) location. The most important feature of an apartment to me is that it is in walking distance of either my work or a Dallas Area Rapid Transit (DART) station. I would love it if I did not need to drive to work. I came across an apartment called Eastside Village in Plano, TX, that looked absolutely perfect. It was a block and a half from the DART station and located in the little downtown of Plano, which is a fairly nice suburb of Dallas. I was really putting all my eggs in one basket for this apartment, but it honestly looked like it fit every feature that I wanted in an apartment. Then I went to go visit and, amazingly, it really was everything I expected and more. The rooms were relatively new and very clean. There was a fitness room with very nice equipment, a beautiful pool, and a protected parking garage. I found a cute little 1-bedroom apartment with a view of the courtyard and it was love at first walk-through. The market price was a little more than I was hoping to pay, but I would get the first month free and $300 off the second month, which brings it right into my price range!

I knew that I was enamored with this apartment, so I made sure that I had something to compare it to, since this was my first time apartment shopping and all. I went to go look at another apartment that was right next to the TI location. They were offering about 200 sq-ft more for about $50 less, but right away I knew that it was nowhere near as good as the other apartment. It looked much older, had a really weird architecture, and was very dark. It was still very nice and definitely livable, but really there was no competition. So, the same day, I went back to Eastside Village and told them I wanted that apartment. I filled out some paper work and the next day I came back to sign the lease and began moving in. That is when I found the pitfall of my apartment building: no elevator. Eventually, I got it all up there; I just did it in small increments.

Now, I am in the process of furnishing and arranging my stuff. I have fallen in love with IKEA, Linens 'n Things, and Crate and Barrel. Who would have thought that picking out all your furniture, linens, cookware, and decorations would be so expensive, but so fun! I am having a great time and soon everything should be setup. I am currently on the quest to find the perfect set of dishes and silverware. They have to be around here somewhere... Wish me luck. :)

Road Trips, Wrong Turns, and Audio Books

2007-06-15T14:33:00.000-05:00

I am in Chicago after the first step of my move from upper Michigan to Dallas, Texas. It is only about a 7 ½ hour drive to Chicago; that is, if you do not make any wrong turns. Unfortunately for me, I did make a minor directional error (which I blame on Google maps) that caused me to lose a little over an hour. I was pissed and when I went to get a map from a gas station, the guy there just hassled me the whole time telling me “it’s easy, just go this way…” when, really, I just wanted him to stop talking so that I could orient myself on the map and be on my way. With the regular map and the Google maps direction together, I found my way easily from then on. The Google maps directions gave me specifics about exit numbers and directions of turns, while the regular map allowed me to orient myself as to the direction of the highways and told me what cities I was passing through. All I really wanted to know while driving was: “what is coming up next” and “how long will it take to get there.” By cross referencing the directions and map, I could usually answer both questions. My only big surprise was the amount of construction, which made things a little bit confusing and slow.

In my travels I have also found the key to success during long trips: audio books! On my trip from Boston to Michigan I listened to the first two Harry Potter books, which I needed to reread anyway. They took up the 20-odd hours of driving easily and it kept my mind from wondering off too far from the road. On this last trip, I listened to Amy Tan’s The Kitchen God’s Wife. It was less straight forward and went faster, so I had to rewind and listen to some sections over again, but it was still very enjoyable. Sometimes, I do not want to stop for gas because I want to hear what happens next! So, I highly recommend audio books for long car rides. I will be on the last leg of my journey next week, so I will have to pick a really long one.

lolkat at the Gym

2007-05-31T10:09:00.003-05:00

To add to my previous post, I would like to include a picture that is from one of my favorite time-waster websites I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? that has far too many pictures of cats (called lolcats) and various other animals with hilarious captions. It is also updated at least three times a day with new pictures. I highly recommend visiting the site at least once a day. Enjoy!

This is a lolcat of me at the gym listening to old-school rock-and-roll. ^^

I Got Owned by a Middle-aged Man in Spandex

2007-05-30T22:07:00.000-05:00

I am in Marquette, MI for a total of about three weeks and I wanted to get back in shape after the lack of exercise and excessive drinking that occurred during my last month of college. I found this little fitness center not too far away that I decided to join for a month (it was only $25 :D). It is small, but it has the basics: pool, weight room, exercise equipment, and aerobic classes. Being on vacation and not really having anything to do, I decided to try a whole bunch of the classes. My goal is to do some cardio and strengthening everyday.

First, I took a yoga class that was refreshing, but not very challenging. Most of the people that go to the fitness center are middle-aged or older. I have seen a few younger people, but mostly just buff guys in the weight room. For me, classes are the best way to force myself to get to the gym and workout for a set amount of time. The second class I took was called "Body Blast" and was taught by a guy around his 60s that had us listen to rock-and-roll while we did strengthening exercises. It was a good workout, but no worse than what I had done before.

Then a took a "Power Step" class. I went to the gym early and worked-out on the elliptical machine and did some weights before the class. I had never done a step class before, but I figured it would be pretty easy. I mean, how many things can you possibly do with a little raised platform? The step instructor was a built, middle-aged man with short gray hair wearing a loose tank top tucked into matching spandex shorts. Seeing the instructor furthered my assumption that the class would not be too bad. Oh, how wrong I was. Right away, another woman in the class warned me that it would be an hour and 15 minutes. I was a bit surprised, but I thought it would be lower intensity for longer; a nice even cardio workout. We started off easy, but quickly ramped up to a good pace. I got a cramp in my side and my muscles became fatigued very quickly, but when I looked up at the clock it had only been 20 minutes! Towards the end, we double timed a move where we were jumping across the width of the platform. I thought my heart would explode and I would die right there on the step platform. Finally, I made it to the end of the class completely exhausted and drenched with sweat. The instructor told me that I did a good job, but I only had enough breath to mutter "thanks."

So, how much could you possibly do with a little raised platform? A whole hell of a lot. Also, never underestimate the spunk and endurance of a middle-aged man in spandex. I know I will never make that mistake again. Working out at the fitness center is pretty fun. You get to meet a lot of interesting people and it keeps me from sitting on my ass and getting fat. In fact, I hope to head for Dallas with a very nice, toned ass.

Rummaging from Past to Present

2007-05-29T13:22:00.000-05:00

My mother and I are having a rummage sale to get rid of all the junk we have in the house. We have been sorting and pricing things for the last couple days. My main task is to go through the 12 boxes of my stuff stored in the garage. I cannot believe I decided to keep 12 boxes of stuff from my 7 years of living here! Not including the stuff that is in California and the stuff I took to college. I have had to part with favorite stuffed animals from childhood, trinkets that were once so important to me, and my complete Dragonball Z DVD collection. (I almost couldn't do it.)

In the process of going through my old junk I found the files with all of the things that I kept from my childhood. Glancing through the papers, I noticed two things: 1) I wrote way too many emo stories and poems that are scattered around various notebooks, and 2) I received way too many certificates and awards when I was living in Michigan. They give you awards for everything in the Marquette School District (where I attended 4th through 10th grade). I think I have about 20 medals from a variety of different things that just weigh down the file holder. Anyway, the point is, they are crazy about awards here. I much prefer the "four years of hard work gets you a big-ass diploma" approach that Olin seemed to take. (Seriously, our diplomas are 9.25 inches by 15.5 inches. HUGE.)

The best thing I found in my sorting was a folder of some worksheets I did in second grade. One worksheet is entitled "Thoughts About School," which had a bunch of fill-in-the-blank statements about school. My favorite answers are:

I think school... is the best place to be.
I think my school work... is easy.
The best day I had at school this year was... every day.
The worst day I had at school this year was when... I forgot my howork and got a detenshon.

I guess I always really loved school and learning, and I am still today a horrible speller. I think if I were to answer these questions about Olin College, they would be something like this:

I think school... is ridiculously stressful, but still the best place I could have been.
I think my school work... is, sadly, not easy anymore, but extremely challenging and interesting.
The best day I had at school this year was... graduation day!
The worst day I had at school this year was when... our SCOPE team got torn apart in the design review, oh wait, that was every design review. :P

So, it has been fun looking through all my old stuff and thinking about where I am now. I have let go of a lot of stuff and am finally ready to move on to new things. I just hope I can make a little money selling all my old stuff, so I can buy more stuff! What a vicious cycle...

I Made It!

2007-05-16T21:53:00.000-05:00

That's right. After four years of crazy, busy, stressful, adrenaline-filled years of Olin, it is finally over. I am graduating from college. I am relieved but at the same time, I cannot believe it is really all over. I walked across the stage, had my over-sized diploma handed to me, and my 15 words said. I guess the only thing I can really say is "Gratz Me! I made it through college on HARD setting!" It has been four very difficult years, but I have really learned a lot and I have no regrets.

It is weird that Olin is really over for me. I will never be able to do all the weird things I did at Olin and have it considered normal. I no longer have one million things to do all at once or have three meetings scheduled all at the same time. A crucial part of my life is really over. Sure, I'll go back to visit, but I know it will never be the same. I am sad and happy to be moving on.

I am now back on Michigan with my mother. This is the first time that I have gone back to my house and not had weird memories of my depression creep up on me. That really means a lot to me. I realized over the semester how much the things that I have gone through play into my normal interaction. It is not that it makes me breakdown; it is more that it has affected how much I let myself trust people, and my outlook on friendships and relationships. Things like that really affect who I am as a person, a little more that I wish I did. I guess it is just a part of who I am. I do not really regret any of it. I figure that is the best way to live. Live your life and regret nothing. Instead learn from your mistakes because there is no question that there will be many.

Looking Forward

2006-12-23T13:21:00.000-06:00

This fall semester has finally ended. It has actually been one of the least stressful semesters ever. I can only hope that next semester will be even better since I will only be taking 13 credits, instead of the usual 18 credits. Senior year has had a very different feel to Olin. A lot has changed since I first arrived at Olin, but it was to be expected. For one, the school is just bigger. We have exceeded the point where you can know everyone in the school on a semi-personal level. Also, as a senior I have become at least a little jaded. I remember being so shocked at the seniors last year for not caring to get to know the incoming class or attending as many Olin events as possible. Now, I understand. As your time in college gets shorter, you start to focus more on what the hell you are going to do after you graduate. Another missing aspect of Olin is the class of 2006, who until this year have always been by our side. There are so many distinguished characters in that class that it is, well, different having them gone. Though, it is good to know that they are doing well with their post-Olin lives. I cannot wait to graduate and move onto a new part of my life.

I am happy to state that I do know what I will be doing after I graduate in May. I will be working for Texas Instruments as an Analog Applications Engineer. I will be doing a two-year rotational program where I get to learn about a bunch of analog components and systems. I will be living in Dallas, TX for the first couple of years and may move around after that. I do plan to go to graduate school, but I am hoping that working for a few years will help me figure out what I actually want to study, since I have no clue right now. It will be nice to live on my own and have a solid pay-check, so I can spend it on lots of electronics and Korean food. :)

A Children’s Story

2006-11-02T21:06:00.000-06:00

I was asked by a friend to write a children's story as part of an AHS capstone project. It had to be one page and have 2 to 5 characters. It was suggested that I write about a princess. This is what I came up with:

A Modernized Children’s Story

This story is about a prince, a princess, an evil witch, and of course a dragon. You may be thinking of a story about a beautiful princess taken away by the evil witch and locked in a tower guarded by a dragon. The princess is helplessly trapped in the tower and the brave prince must come and rescues her. Well that is all wrong. Let me tell you the real story:

The prince’s name is Prince, and he comes from the kingdom of Kingdom. Let’s just say he is a pretty generic and uncreative guy, and not all that bright. The princess’s name is Jacki, and she is from the kingdom of All-Trades. She is good at almost everything and extremely intelligent. The evil witch’s real name is Evél Watitch, but it was translated incorrectly when she came to the Kingdoms to attend business school. She lives in the forest suburbs between Kingdom and All-Trades. The dragon’s name is Drogan, and he is from the fiercest family of dragons. He has received high marks in dragon school, but has not yet fulfilled his fire breathing competency, which is the only thing keeping him from getting his Bachelor’s degree in Dragoneering.

The four of them met about a year ago through an online role-playing game. They once met in person to discuss urgent guild matters and since then have met together regularly. They usually get together on Friday nights to play cards and drink magical berry juice at Evél’s apartment located on the top floor of the Creepy Tower apartment complex.

One particular Friday night, Prince was going to be late because he had to finish a creative writing assignment, but was having trouble coming up with an interesting story. Jacki and Drogan arrived at Evél’s apartment and immediately brought out the magical berry juice. Soon enough they all felt very magical and were having a great time. Jacki excused herself and went to the bathroom, but Evél was distracted and failed to tell her that the lock had recently broken on the bathroom door. By the time she realized her mistake, it was too late. Evél became very frantic and told Drogan to get the local locksmith. In a frantic haste, he jumped out the door and closed it right onto his wing. Drogan is a pretty big guy and barely fits in the door, so he was stuck in the hallway with his wing slammed in the door. At the same time, Evél ran around looking for something to pry the door open with. As she ran across the kitchen floor, she slipped on a big pile of business papers, hit her head on the floor, and passed out.

Prince, having given up on his creative writing assignment, finally arrived at the Creepy Tower apartment complex. He climbed up the windy stairs to the top level, where he saw a very large Drogan with his wing stuck in the apartment door. Drogan was crying his large dragon eyes out and small streams were flowing down the staircase. The moment he saw Prince a mix of pain, self-pity, and overjoyment created a hot feeling in his stomach. When he opened his mouth to greet Prince, fire exploded from him mouth just barely missing the confused prince as he jumped out of the way. Realizing that he had just learned how to breathe fire, Drogan suddenly jumped for joy, which broke the door frame and freed his wing.

They entered the apartment to find Evél mostly unconscious on the floor mutter things about business plans. Drogan tried to wake her up, while Prince attempted to open the locked door by slamming into it repeatedly. Evél came to and noticed Jacki at the entryway laughing at Prince. They were all astonished and asked how she got out of the locked room. She explained that she simply used some cleaning chemicals, the shower head, a plunger, and the shower curtain to construct a transporter device that she used to transport herself outside the tower. They were still astonished. Suddenly, Prince declared, “This would make a great plot for a story! Of course, slightly altered and over exaggerated. I’m brilliant!” They agreed, had a good laughed, and opened another bottle of magical berry juice to enjoy the rest of the evening.

In the end, Drogan earned his Dragoneering degree graduating at the top of his class. Jacki got a patent on her transporter and went into business with Evél selling transporters as emergency escape devices. Prince got an A+ on his creative writing assignment, and his valiant fictional story loosely based on real-life events went down in history. Now that is what I call a happy ending.

The End.

A Turning Point

2006-07-31T20:33:00.000-05:00

The summer is usually the time when I really enjoy myself, relax, and reflect on things. I end the summer with a very positive note on how I am looking forward to the coming year. I have new ambitions and am ready to take on the world. I'm not exactly sure what went wrong this time around, but so far, none of that has happened.

You know, I was going to go on to complain about how I am stressing myself out already for next semester because I just can't bring myself to drop out of Modern Physics, or kill Korean club, or not apply for a Fulbright because they are important to me, but I am tried of worrying and complaining. Yeah, I've been thinking a whole lot about who I am and my perspective on life and it has kind of gotten all scrambled up in my head. Some days I am arrogantly full of pride, others I am spiteful, still others I hate who I am, and every so often there is a moment of complete peace of mind. Right now is a tough time, in a completely different way than I am used to, and instead of bitching and being all emo like normal, I wanted to thank all the people that have been there for me when I needed it.

Shout outs to both sets of parents, my suite from last year, my summer buddies, my Cali friends, all the Oliners, the people I met at Ewha last summer, all my lost acquaintances from Michigan, my professors and teachers, and anyone else who I might have left out. I am not really sure which people read this thing, but ... thank you.

2006-06-12T18:21:00.000-05:00

For the first 21 years of my life, things were pretty set. Preschool, elementary school, middle school, high school, college; essentially all school. You are on a pretty set track all the way to the end of undergraduate, but after that it is like a 7-way intersection (which are not that uncommon in the Boston area). There are so many things I want to do, but I do not know which one I should do first. I want to go to Korea for at least a year to learn more of the language. I want to go to graduate school and really get deep into one subject, but if I go that route I have to actually pick a subject. So far, I enjoy working in the corporate engineering environment and will hopefully get a job offer for next year. I could also go off and do something completely different and spontaneous.

In the back of my mind, I have this drive that tells me I should do as much as I can as fast as possible. As if I am racing to get a masters degree or as much work experience as possible. Considering that I will have a bachelor's degree at age 21 is not too bad. I could easily take a year off, but I want to keep advancing. At the same time, I do not quite understand what scale I am trying to advance on, or who decides if I am really advancing at all. I know that anything I do will help me grow as a person and give me new experiences. I just need to think everything through and pick something. The only problem is that I only have this summer before I need to start applying to programs and getting my plans together. I will figure it out. I always do somehow.

Experience and Failure with Subletting

2006-05-27T20:55:00.001-05:00

This post is featured in alwaysBETA, a cummulative blog started by a group of my friends at Olin. Check it out.

Becoming an independent adult is a very eye-opening experience. There is a whole lot that nobody tells you about. I just started my first sublet at an apartment in Boston. I have always wanted to live in my own apartment and was really looking forward to living on my own. So far, the experience has been anything but pleasant.

I was in a rush to find an apartment in the madness of the end of spring semester and just wanted to secure a place. I honestly did not know what to look for. I was thinking about the size of the room, availability of parking, closeness to downtown, and amount of sun in the room. Granted, these are all very important things, but somehow I failed to think about the logistics of little things like cleanliness of the kitchen, reliability of the landlord, ease of washing clothes, and unpaid bills from the previous residents.

I am currently living in an apartment that is only sanitary because I have spent the last 4 days cleaning absolutely everything, and the apartment is not even that big. The people that lived there before never cleaned a thing. The floor was a breeding ground for dust bunnies. The guy that left on vacation left molding food in the kitchen. I found garbage radiating funk in the coat closet.

All in all, it was gross, but I figured that after I cleaned it up it would be manageable. I cleaned everything, organized all their shit, and made the place mostly livable. While I was cleaning, I noticed that the gas stove did not work and that there was no hot water. I figured someone had just turned off a valve and it was an easily fixable problem. I called up the landlord who was less than helpful in assisting me to fix the problem. In fact, all he did was complain to me about how irresponsible the previous residents were and that they probably did not pay the utilities bill.

Sure enough, they had not paid a cent. In fact the gas company did not even have their names and they had been racking up a bill for the last 6 months. Since it is just a sublet and I do not have a lease and I could not start a new account, which means I get no hot water, stove, or heat until their bills are paid. I do not think most people realize how wonderful hot water is. It is one of those things that we take for granted. Let me tell you that taking a bath in water that is a mix of cold and heated-up-in-electric-tea-pots-and-coffee-makers water is just not convenient or pleasant.

This put me in an odd position. I could either make them pay their utilities bill and continue living in the apartment hoping nothing else sketchy would go wrong, or move out as soon as possible and get out of the middle of that mess. I had put so much effort into making the apartment livable that moving out seemed like giving up, but at the same time why should I force myself to suffer through all that mess when I would be so much happier just moving out.

I finally got in touch with the previous residents and, with the threat of moving out, I got them to pay their utility bill. I was completely relieved, but at the same time I realized that I would have to start from scratch by myself, and I really just wanted a place that I could drop-in and live for a summer. So, I decided to cut my losses and find a better sublet. I did. It was easy. So much easier than dealing with that whole mess. Sure, I lost a month’s worth of rent, but at least I am not going to be living in an apartment that makes me super angry and frustrated.

If you are ever thinking about moving into a sublet, really think it through and make sure you ask as many questions as possible. Meet the landlord, work through all the agreements, and have contact numbers for everyone. Make sure you know how everything works and ensure that it does work. Try to have a sublet agreement, so that you have something in writing and everyone knows what is expected of them. If you are someone like me, avoid sketchy situations at all costs (I seem to be drawn to them). In the end, everything works out fine. After it is all over, it makes a pretty good story and you gain some good life experience: Kat’s Sublet Skillz +10

Back at Olin

2006-01-06T18:53:00.000-06:00

I am back in Massachusetts now. I am happy to be back at Olin. I am doing nanofluids research. For the next two weeks I will be working only on a circuitry set-up to produce a constant power over the hot-wire that is used for measuring the thermal conductivities of fluids. It is going to be an intense couple of weeks, but I am actually looking forward to it.

I am living at Rebecca's house, with her husband and her adorable daughter, Lily. I was the youngest child, so I have no idea what it is like to interact with little people. They are really interesting to observe the way they communicate and how much they actually understand. It seems like raising a child is a pretty intense job, especially if you want to do it right. However, it also seems like an enjoyable job to people that are actually ready for it. I do not know if I would EVER be ready for it, but I am pretty happy that way. :)

2005-12-29T17:32:00.000-06:00

So far, it has been a weird time in Michigan. I have met up with quite a number of friends, so I am not bored or lonely, but something about being in Marquette gives me an unsettling feeling. The people here are different from what I am used to and that is not bad, it actually helps me see things from different points of view. However, a lot of times those points of view are close-minded and arrogant. Right away, I started to notice the little things. My opinions are often squelched by other people. Mostly jokingly, but that does not change the fact that my opinion went unheard or was brushed off. I have had some people talking to me about computers and if I do not know one small detail or am unfamiliar with a certain topic, scoffing as if I do not know anything or telling me that I have "a lot to learn" in an arrogant manner. It seems that everywhere I turn there are people trying to cut down my confidence. Maybe it is attempt to make themselves feel better about themselves. The sad thing is that I used to actually feel bad about myself when people treated me lowly. Well I refuse to give into such childish tactics. Some people may think that my forwardness is rude, but I would rather have that than be meek and be afraid to voice my opinions.

2005-12-22T13:42:00.000-06:00

I made it! Just barely. This semester is finally over. I am back in Michigan visiting my mother for two weeks and then going back to Olin to do reserach. It seems like everything that could have gone wrong, did. I still have one more thing to do for this semester and it keeps being delayed. Now it is down to computer problems, which I hope to fix right away. It is weird to be back. I did not have any real closure. After EXPO (a large scale exposition of all the things that Olin students have done over the semester) I went straight to the airport. I did not even get to say my farwells to most of my friends. In any case, this break is greatly appreciated. It makes me want to do more things. What is wrong with me? I do not think I will ever stop being busy. :)

2005-09-05T04:35:00.000-05:00

Life is interesting. I am a whole different person than myself last semester. I am trying to figure out if it is a better version or just different. I guess it only matters if I am happy with myself and the way I treat people. I think one part of myself that I miss is the serious side. I have been having lots of fun laughing and joking quite a bit, but I am missing the sincere, determined, and serious part of me. I really want to enjoy life, but being serious is an important part of that. Maybe it is time to bring that out.

2005-08-27T21:41:00.000-05:00

I met most of the incoming students today. Olin Class of 2009. They look like a great group of students. They will definitely have to learn some things about Olin, but they seem like they will adapt very well to Olin culture.

The excitement in me just keeps growing. I think I might explode soon. My outlook on life has been so positive since I got back from Korea. I want it to stay that way. I cannot let myself fall back into my old mentality just because I am back at Olin. I know am a different person now, and I really like who I am.

I guess I have not changed who I am, just some small things about me. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ ^o^v

2005-08-25T19:27:00.000-05:00

Someday,
Life will be wonderful.
I tell myself this so that
I have something to look forward to

But now,
I am starting to wonder
Why isn't life wonderful right now?
What am I missing?

And then,
I realize.
I'm not missing anything
Life is wonderful

It's the way I wake up
and I'm fucking freezing because the window is open
It's the way I laugh
loudly before the joke is even over
It's the way I get so into a book
I don’t realize that my ride is here to pick me up
It's the way I announce
my crushes to the whole school on public forums
It's the way I have to figure out
a different way home from work everyday
It's the way I try to make dinner
from the random components in the kitchen
It's the way I look in the mirror
and I am happy with myself

It's about emotions
It's about mistakes
It's about learning
It's about change
It's about living

How can life get any better than that?

2005-08-23T18:00:00.000-05:00

I back in New England now. I am living in an apartment for two weeks and commuting out to Needham to work for Olin's IT department. I feel like an adult now: waking up early, commuting, working all day, commuting back home, eating dinner, going to bed early. However, I'm not so sure if I like this way of life. I would much rather make my own hours and do without the long commute. I wonder if my working life will be like this. I hope not.

Last night, I was talking to my father and somehow we got into a discussion about relationships. He was wondering why I had broken off my most recent relationship, especially since it seemed to be going so well. He did not seem to understand my point of view. First of all, I realized that he thought I was a lot older than I actually am. I am still young, I do not want to get too involved. Although a good number of my friends are already engaged or married, I personally want to wait until I am older, if at all. Right now is the perfect time for me to do causal dating. I really want to focus on my friends and my career. I definitely believe that you can have friends, a career, and a relationship at once, but I really enjoy being single right now.

I also realized that our philosophies about what is most important in life differ. My father believes that the most important things in life are your relationship and your career. I believe that your friends and your relationship are of equal importance. He told me that when I get older I will see that even my best friends will put their significant other above all else and I will lose that tight friendship. I do not believe that this has to happen. It all has to do with peoples' mentality. Obviously, if people just sadly accept that they will lose their close friends then that is the way it is going to be. However, if we value our friendships at the same level as our romantic relationships, we will not let them slip away so easily.

It just seems so unhealthy; to have only one person to rely on. What if that person cannot fully support you? What if that person starts to treat you poorly? Who do you turn to then? I do not know about everyone else, but I will try as hard as possible not to lose my friends. I already did enough of that when I was young.

2005-08-14T23:50:00.000-05:00

I am back in America. I miss Korea, but I also appreciate being in America. I feel like a different person now that I have traveled to another country. I feel more confident and mature. I have done a lot of thinking and analyzing this summer. My ideas have changed about family, friends, and relationships. I want to do things just a little differently from now on.

I have been visiting all of my friends in California before I go back to Boston. It is so great to see them all again. I wish that I could have all my friends from California, Michigan, Olin, Korea and everywhere else all together. Sometimes I forget that my friends do not know each other. Someday I will have a crazy party and all my friends will come and meet each other. Then I will probably get really drunk and start calling people the wrong names and telling them stories that they were present for. I can't wait. >^_^<

2005-08-07T02:22:00.000-05:00

The summer program at 이화여자대학교 (Ewha Womans University) has kept me very busy. It was such a good program. I feel like I have learned a lot of Korean is a very short amount of time. I also learned how to play the 가야금 (kayagum) and the 관까리 (kwanggari). We had a final performance for our program and I was in so many of the presentations. I got to wear a 한복 (hanbok) and a solmunori outfit. I am very happy with what I have accomplished in 6 weeks. It seems like such a short time, and now it is over.

Since the program has ended I have been living in a motel. It is very relaxing. I have been watching Korean television and movies. Today I went to a Korean book store. It was amazing. I really wish I could have read some of the books in the store. I bought a children's book that I am going to try to decipher. I am going to be sad to leave Korea, but I am very excited about the upcoming school year.

2005-07-24T02:20:00.000-05:00

Another week has past and my time here is becoming shorter and shorter. I have come to realize that I have not been myself since I came to Korea. I am starting to notice it now with my American friends that are in the program with me. I tend to be shy, but when I do say something I immediately pull back and question if what I said was stupid or out-of-place. I have not been like that since I was depressed in High School because I had no self-confidence. I do not want to be like that; second guessing my every action. What happened to my self-confident attitude of: 'I am going to be me and if they do not like it that is just too bad.' It is odd now because I am not depressed, but somehow I have subconsciously put myself under everyone else. It my be my lack of knowledge of Korea and the language, but even when we are all speaking English I lower myself. This has got to stop. I cannot care that much about what other people think about me.

I was reading some of the readings for my 'Gender Relations in Korea' course and there was a section comparing Korean and American heterosocial and homosocial relationships. Typically, Koreans care more about their heterosocial relationships and really depend on their friends. Americans usually put more emphasis on homosocial relationships and really care what their significant other cares about them. This kind of mind frame makes things much more emotional and usually messier. In Korea, there is the term 'love marriage' versus an arranged marriage. At first I though that a marriage for love was the only way to go because arranged marriages would be so sad and miserable. However, looking at what the heterosocial emphasis has done to people, including myself, has really shocked me. My focus on what 'the person I like' thinks of me has shaken up absolutely all of the relationships that I have had. There is always a period of time, where I worry that the person I like thinks lowly of me or disapproves of something I have done. That worry just grows and I make it into a bigger deal that in really is.

Why do I worry about things that do not need any attention? I need to change that. I should care more about my regular friends than a significant other. If I do get into a relationship again, I should relax and not worry about the little things or over-think things. For now, I am single and I should stay single for a while. I will just have to enjoy more time with my friends. :)

2005-07-21T07:20:00.000-05:00

Today was a good day. My moods are oddly oscillatory. I think they change with the weather, and the weather here is either overbearingly hot or a complete down pour. Today was the first day that I went out completely by myself. I am becoming much more confident about using my Korean and I am beginning to speak with more ease. I feel myself wanting to be on my own more often. Maybe because I want to be forced to use my Korean, or maybe I just need some time to be alone and think.

I find myself missing Olin. I cannot wait to go back and see all my friends and the new incoming class. I am going to make up for all the things that I did wrong last semester. For starters I am going to take less than 20 credits! Life is going to be good next year. No sadness. Less stress. More positive memories.

2005-07-20T10:18:00.000-05:00

I only have 20 days left in Korea and it makes me a little sad. I have really enjoyed my time here. I have had some very unique experiences in the last few weeks. In terms of traditional Korean culture, I have learned about Korean music and how to play the instruments. In terms of contemporary Korean culture, I have been experiencing it first hand with the 노래방, drinking, clubbing, shopping, PC방, and everything else. Last weekend I went on a 'temple stay' where we trained as a Buddhist monk for one day. It was really intense. They woke us up at 4 am to pray at the temple and then to mediate. The mediation was amazing though. I have never been so deep into mediation before. It felt so refreshing. Yesterday, I went to the House of Sharing, where some of the 'comfort' from the Japanese occupation period still live today. We went through a museum of sort and then we heard a testimony from an actual former 'comfort woman.' They lived such difficult lives. It was a very moving experience.

My world is changing. My views and perspectives are becoming altered. I knew that Korea would change me. I just wonder how I will turn out.

2005-07-09T00:50:00.000-05:00

This week has gone by very quickly. It makes me sad that I only have one month left. I am so glad that I decided to come to Korea rather than take the internship I was offered, even if it did pay quite a lot of money. I really like being in Seoul. I think I would like to come back either next summer or spring semester.

I met my father's cousin's family today. They are so nice. They took me to the south side of Seoul and took me out to eat. Then I got to see there house; it was beautiful. All residences in the city are essentially apartments, but I was amazed by the size of it. Then they took me around the city a little more and dropped me off. It is good to know that I have some family connections here in Korea.

I have decided that I want to be fluent in Korean. I know it will take a lot of work, but I am totally willing to put in the extra effort. Luckily, Wellesley college just started its Korean language program. I think things may just work out for me.

2005-07-05T07:57:00.000-05:00

Today has been a long day. I feel like I am doing very poorly in my Korean language class. I am kind of losing motivation because I feel so far behind. I need to find that persistant defiance that keeps me going at anything I really want to do. I still love my music class because it is a beautiful escape. I play until I have a blister on my index finger, but it is absolutely worth the pain to produce the radiant sound. The focus of playing keeps me away from the thoughts brooding in my head. I have been thinking about my family and comparing it to traditional Korean society. I wonder how traditional my grandparents were and how open-minded they became when they moved to America. Traditionally, Korean parents want their children to marry Korean people to keep the tradition strong. I wonder if my grandparents were disappointed or upset when my father decided to marry my non-Korean mother; if, in a sense, I was never supposed to exist. I know my grandparents love me because they have told me more often than my parents that they do, but Korean pride and shame is very strong. I also wonder how sad they are that none of their children speak Korean anymore. It would make me so happy if learning Korean made my grandparents proud of me. Maybe that is the motivation I need to keep going. I hope so.

2005-07-03T09:11:00.000-05:00

Tonight we went out for Kim-baub (rice, egg, and other yummy foods wrapped in seaweed), and I could not stop smiling. I feel oddly at peace even though I am in a foreign country where I barely speak the language or know the culture. I am still an American girl, but I really appreciate Korean culture. I feel like this fills a part of me that has been missing all of my life. I know that if I stayed too long, I would miss the other parts of my life, but for now I am content.

2005-06-30T21:59:00.000-05:00

My classes in Korea are so interesting, I am glad that I decided to come to this program. Yesterday in my Gender Relations in Korea class, we discussed pressures on first sons to take care of their parents, siblings, and families. It is a responsibility that the first son has in the traditional society. It is interesting because that is the same pressure I feel. Not from societal pressures, but rather from myself. I am very Korean in some aspects. For example, I care so much about what my parents think of me and want to impress them and make them happy. I feel that being successful in my career, but also devoting time and energy to them is very important. I also feel a huge responsibility to take care of my parents, grandparents, and brother. Even though I am a younger daughter I feel like I am taking on the 'older son' role because I am more responsible than my older brother. I have this odd feeling that I am the only one keeping all the parts of my family together. Without my brother and I, my grandparents and father do not talk all that much. Without us, my mother and father would absolutely never talk. Since I am the one that talks to both my parents and my grandparents more often than my brother, I feel that I am the only thing keeping my family together. It is an odd position to be in. I think that the only time I would ever get absolutely all of my relatives together to interact would be if I got married or died. I wonder which on will come first.

2005-06-28T08:30:00.000-05:00

I had my first set of classes today. I really like the classes. My Korean language class is just at a level that it will challenge me and I will hopefully learn a fair amount of Korean. The music class I am taking is wonderful. I am learning the play the Kaeyagum, a traditional 12 string zither. My gender relations in Korea class is very interesting. We will be having discussions and writing a paper. I am not quite sure what I want to write about yet. I have met so many nice people in the program that are from all over the world. I am having a bit a of an identity confusion because a lot of people assume I am a white American that knows nothing about Korea. I know I am not that, but I also know that I am not a Korean girl either. I am in a very unique position being half-Korean and having a father that has completely forgotten the language. I wish I were fluent so that when people talked to me the white American stereotypes would quickly fall away. However, I know that the beginning will be difficult, but as I learn more Korean and I get to know people better, I will enjoy it here even more.

2005-06-26T20:07:00.000-05:00

I am in Korea. The plane ride was long, but I am so excited to be here. I know absolutely no Korean, which makes things difficult, but I had someone to show me around for the first day. Today I took the Korean Language placement test, and I know absolutly nothing. The short course I took in Boston did not prepare me enough, but it was only 8 weeks. I went to a PC room last night. They are crazy gamers here. Everyone was looking at my English version of World of Warcraft. :-) I like it here a lot, but I have a lot to learn. I hope I do not get too lost.

2005-06-23T11:22:00.000-05:00

I really only write when I am upset. I should really write when I am happy as well, so that I have a written long of both the good and the bad in my life. Since classes and finals have ended, things have been going really well. I visited my mother for three weeks and met up with some old friends there. I was really nice to see how some of my friends have changed over the years. Everyone finds their own path and some get lost on the way, but in any case people survive and move on. Now I am in California and it is refreshing to see my old friends here. I missed them more than I realized over the year. Being around them makes me feel so comfortable. Next, I will be setting out on an adventure of my own. Going to Korea by myself will be a great experience. I really just need to get away from everyone here and be on my own. Thoughts about life always hover around me during the summer and make me question what I really want out of my life. There are a few things that I need to figure out about myself before I go back to school in the fall. I think it will take the whole summer to sort them all out.

2005-03-17T15:17:00.000-06:00

It is all winding down. Spring break is next week and I will finally have some time to rest. I am still behind on things, but I know everything will be alright. I need some time to think and relax. This first half of this semester has been one of the the most stressful times of my life in terms of academic work, but at the same time I have actually enjoyed it. I feel like I have really learned a lot this semester even though I have not been able to completely delve deeply into any one subject. I think I will get to more depth in the upcoming semesters.

2004-12-22T13:45:00.000-06:00

It is finally over. I have made it through my third Olin semester. I did not accomplish absolutely everything that I wanted, but I would need about three minions to truly achieve that goal. Academically, it has been a medium semester. I had some phases of exhaustion and other periods of pure hardcore work. Socially, it has been a wonderful semester. I love the people at Olin and being surrounded by intelligent people that care about the things around them. I can see the ways that I have matured since freshman year. I hope I am turning into the person I really want to be.

I am going back to California for Winter break. I cannot wait to be there. I sometimes forget how much I love being home. I am going to see all my friends, eat a lot of Korean food, play my viola, work on my resume and portfolio, and relax. I plan to thoroughly enjoy myself.

2004-09-19T22:45:00.000-05:00

I have been back at Olin for a few weeks and things are going very well. After a summer away from everyone I actually feel closer and more comfortable with my classmates. Now that classes and my other activates have started up again I am extremely busy, but I enjoying all the things that I do. Small things have bothered me, but not to the point where it disturbs my daily thoughts. My life is pretty much content. I feel like I am starting to fine my place in the world, well maybe just at Olin.

2004-08-26T18:28:00.000-05:00

The last few weeks have been amazing. Everything just turned around. My visit to Michigan has actually been enjoyable. I do believe that I have maintained an open mind throughout my time here. I have also tied up all the loose ends that I left unfinished so many years ago. The new semester is starting soon, but I think I am ready to take it on. I have also noticed a major difference in myself. I am not as self-conscious anymore. I am not worried about making a fool of myself, or saying the wrong thing. I feel like I am finally myself and being accepted for it. The path ahead looks like it will be the best time of my life, let us hope appearances will not be deceiving.

2004-08-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

My main summer job is over and half the dorm population has dispersed. My life has been consistently content for the past few weeks. However, things are changing again. My return to Michigan draws closer and I am becoming increasingly nervous. Going back there brings back so many awkward memories. No matter how hard I try to leave all that behind, I always stumble upon some well-hidden baggage. This time, I am going to start over. I am not going to go there with seven years worth of spite, but rather, with an open mind. Things are uncertain, but I think that things will turn out well.

2004-06-05T18:11:00.000-05:00

Summer at Olin is a more tranquil environment that during classes, which is a wonderful thing. I can easily find a place to be alone, but there are enough people around to find something to do if I want. I really like the people that are staying in the dorms. I hope I get to know them more this summer. I get work done, but things are relaxed and unstressed. I am becoming more content at Olin, but I still miss the fun of being in California. Overall, I think this will be an enjoyable summer.

2004-05-27T23:09:00.000-05:00

Life goes by so quickly. In high school I wanted everything to go by faster. I would just want the week to end because life was so miserable. But even then I told myself to live in the moment, to savor it, because I only get one lifetime. Now, I look back on the year and I wonder where it all went. Meeting up with all my old friends, I see how much they have all changed. I do not want life to pass by without me noticing. It is more difficult to keep track of life when you are actually enjoying it. I need to take a moment more often and remember how fun life really is, I missed that last semester. I will not let that happen this summer or next semester. I think I am going to start living a little more, before life really passes me by.

2004-05-22T22:43:00.000-05:00

Thoughts about Olin College:
I originally came to Olin to have a well-rounded education and to be involved in developing a new kind of college. Only now am a truly starting to understand what that means. In my first year, I have mainly been a participant: being attentive in classes, joining clubs, attending events, getting to know people. Towards the end of the year, things started to change. I was not content in watching things happen, and I refused to bury myself in my work. I started to see the things that need improvement. I took on the position of Academic Recommendation Board Student Representative for summer, as a first step toward making change. I hope I can continue to do my part to improve Olin. Now that it is summer and the stress of college is mostly gone, I look back and see what a unique experience I have had. No institution is quite like Olin. Students come from all over the US, with different backgrounds and points of view. Though I may not agree with their opinions, I have the greatest respect for everyone. We learn more that just math and physics. We learn how to work with people and respect them, even in disagreements. Going back home after my first year at Olin, people commented that I am more confident and friendly. I feel like I am more understanding and a stronger person. Olin has a long way to go, but I know it will go in the right direction. All that potential energy cannot just disappear or it would break the Law of Conservation of Energy. ^_^

2004-05-21T22:49:00.000-05:00

It is strange yet comforting being back with my family. I see quilities in my father that I see in myself. The hardwork he puts into everything, the way he handles stress, and his strive to see things through to the end. I am also starting to recognize the things that I want to do differently from my parents.
I saw my grandparents today, it was so good to see them. It is almost embarrassing how they rant about me in Korean to the waitresses at restaurants. I really wish I knew Korean. They are so proud of me, but I wonder if they realize how unbelievably proud I am of them. My grandfather tells me how he plays tennis with guys less than half his age and beats them. I love it when they tell me about what it was like in Korea. I feel like I am discovering a part of me that I have never known. They have so much knowledge, experience, and wisdom. I want to know their story. It is not something that should be forgotten.

2004-05-19T13:23:00.000-05:00

The semester is finally over. I am done with all my finals. A huge load is lifted off my shoulders. Though I still feel I should have worked harder. However, no matter what I do I will never be completely satisfied with myself. I think that goes for everyone though. Since yesterday, the strangest thing has occurred. I am actually happy. I feel content and complete. I went back to visit some of my old teachers and friends. We talked about college and classes, but also about life and the bigger picture in the world. I miss those conversations. I did not realize how much I miss life here. This truly is my home. This is a past I can come back to and actually enjoy. I have never had that before. Life is looking up. I hope it is not simply and illusion.

2004-05-08T10:32:00.000-05:00

This is the life of a Kat. I just wanted a place to put my thoughts since my life keeps changing so quickly. I don't want to forget all my experiences in life. I try to put meaning in everything I do and maybe this is a way to validate those reasons to the world. Or maybe this is just my outcry for attention, who really knows. I have been feeling down lately and I figured, if nothing else, this may serve as a means to look back and figure out what was actually going on. The world has me down. I hurt again, just from living, and I'm not sure why. I feel similar to when I was deeply depressed, but not for the same reasons. I'll get through it. I just want to know the reason I feel like this.